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It's hard work, not being invisible.

All you have to do is stop moving. Which is rotten, because sometimes moving is too hard.


And starting again is even harder.


How do you set boundaries when the problem is that you are completely lost in your own bag of skin and desperate for outside contact? What then?

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3025580.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.

Today.

One of those odd days of hilarity and horror.

Rolling in the waves, breathing when I can.

~~~

I feel like I am going through some kind of important transformation and that I need to get a handle on it.

I want to get a handle on it.

The trouble is, I don't even know what it involves yet.

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3023718.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.
The advocate came by today, really just to go through the assorted documents for the case conference for the forthcoming legal appeal about the NDIS.

She will be coming here and bringing her work phone.

Between now and then I can make notes, for my own use, about my condition, so I'm not caught short by brainfog.

But I don't have to speak if I don't want to.

And I don't want to speak. I want to curl up into a small ball and disappear.

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3022902.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.

Sunday.

I've hit that point that I hit when I have really not had enough sleep. That point where I know if I shut my eyes I will fall asleep very quickly, but that I will wake up later feeling awful and with my sleep cycle even more b0rked than usual. So I'm holding on. Not thinking too hard, being careful about what I look at (this is the point where I've learnt I can get quite emotional) and what I do (accidentally breaking something would not help with the emotional stuff).

My arms are really sore today, for no apparent reason.

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3017776.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.
It's a Monday, and I've been sitting here enjoying feeling like I have nothing to do.

I'm pretty sure that this isn't really the case, but I'm going with it for now.

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3016786.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.
We might be building up to a thunderstorm today, I hope so.

I am sitting under my aircon, it's on the 'dry' function which I like to imagine as a big set of squeezy rollers.

Also, it's only October but I already feel I've been overdoing things a bit go me and my list of things.

*whimpers*

I need a few days of nothing.

Unfortunately I also feel a strong need to socialise more.

And also to fix that bathtub garden which is now home to several million mozzies in spite of both a water pump and fish. Once my homecarer has gone I'm going outside with a bucket. I'll be pulling the plug and catching goldfish as they appear. Then I'll be hosing out the whole thing and refilling.

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3015343.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.

Reading, 2017.

21. Ann Leckie, Ancillary Sword.
22. Ann Leckie, Ancillary Mercy.

23. Tove Jansson, The True Deceiver Guardian review. I don't think I would have known how to read this novel without the review. It was a peculiar journey, and I don't have the capacity to draw conclusions, I can only nod along with the reviewer and thank them for providing a context.

I did notice that I kept wondering if there was to be a tumultuous reckoning on the next page. But that's not what Tove Jansson is about, and that's where the book's power lies.

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3014167.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.

Tags:

Those songs from years ago that you can't quite get nostalgic about, because you never managed to be quite there.

Things were always happening just around the next corner, it seemed.

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3012991.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.
Hmm.

I hope my goldfish don't eat themselves to death out there in the outside bath. Much mosquito larvae! I'll get some more fish fairly soon I think. Although I've also got the pump sorted, so that will help. Mozzies prefer their water nice and still.

I have sorted the freezer. And I have come up with a cunning plan: the prepared meals that I think are still okay are now all sitting sideways. That way, next time the door doesn't shut properly(it's a thing) I should be able to get some idea of how bad things are according to whether or not frozen meals are still in neat goops or whether they've found new levels.

Also, I'm about to go and place Hydralyte icy poles in a few strategic places at the back of the shelves. They're frozen at the moment, but should I ever find them thawed I'll know that the warmth has gotten well in.

The fact that this all seems clever and reasonable has me wondering if perhaps I have finally completely lost the plot.

~~~

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3012698.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.
Okay so I've done stuff. But not the freezer emptying. Ergh.

It's like admitting I've made a horrible mistake. OTOH, if I don't face up to it I'm going to have quite a lot of stuff in there forever because I can't throw it out and can't bear to risk eating it.

This entry was originally posted at https://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/3012177.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.

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