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I've been watching the TDF replay that I didn't see last night and I lost interest about 3km ago.

I have cast on another sock. Also, just responded positively to an offer of company at some point from a person I like but don't hang around with enough.

But I tend not to reach out unless I'm fucked up, because it feels too hard, too puzzling and too risky.

I have trust issues. I have become a person who must compartmentalise. A safe person here, two over there. Boyfriends need to stay apart from the others.

I know the sayings. 'No one is stolen who doesn't wish to be stolen' is a particularly shitty one.

The only people who can spout that stuff as if it's some kind of guide to life are the people for whom solitude holds no fear. It's as asinine as 'mind over matter', or claims you only get things if you want them enough.

It's a refusal to acknowledge cruelty. And it's a refusal to feel compassion for those of us who do feel a need to be loved even though we know there are others far more lovable than ourselves.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this. The nightmares have made it a long day, and a hard one.

This entry was originally posted at http://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/2671646.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.

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( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
desear
Jul. 28th, 2015 03:28 pm (UTC)
" I have become a person who must compartmentalise. " ---》 same here.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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