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Today at Casa Sploge: electricians all around. It meant almost total fail on my plan to ring more GPs in my search for one that does home visits and doesn't go at a sprint. I've rung one more, the receptionist will ask about home visits and call me back tomorrow, so I am not optimistic. It's very easy to say no to someone you have never met.

But Big Sis and I went out for a cuppa to get away from the fuss, and soon I will have power points aplenty, so all was not lost.

~~~

I am sore. I don't care what anyone says about how much pain I should be in by now according to the textbook, because my leg hurts and sometimes quite a lot thankyou. And the numbness is painful, in a strange numb way. It's a heavy dull feeling and my leg bumps into things of its own accord because I don't quite know what it's doing. And that numb, heavy pain is definitely worse in the cold. Or low pressure or whatever the trigger is today.

~~~

I am not decreasing my lexapro dose yet. It seemed like a good idea a fortnight ago but things went downhill last week. I've been needing to rely on first aid level CBT way too often. Y'know, the point where you really need to coax yourself through the basics and give yourself a big old round of applause for pulling yourself together enough to switch on the radio and make yourself a cuppa. Not all the time - but enough.

~~~

Missing my garden today.

I remember my ex explaining why it was so important that _he_ keep the house: he was terrified of having to downsize to some horrid little one person, single person type dwelling. No proper shed, no proper yard...an old person's one person place, not a proper house. The thought alone was a real challenge to his self image. And he was quite articulate about the meaning of such a move. What it would say about a person.

Yes, the irony was completely lost on him. Who he was talking to and what she was facing, he just did not notice. I don't think he realised I was, and am, still not seeing myself as a write-off. One of those strange moments when you see how someone doesn't see you, but assumes that they do and that you see yourself in the same way. Whether that's over-the-hill, or disabled, or able-bodied (depending on context)...pretty, ugly, fat or thin... whatever...and therefore it's okay that you are in the position that you are in. When in fact as far as you're concerned, it's no more okay for you than it would be for them.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
dragonsally
May. 28th, 2012 08:53 am (UTC)
Text Book - phhht. What do they know?

It does seem to me to be bitterly cold at the moment, or at least I cannot warm up and that equals pain.

If I'm not mistaken, you've been on your legs a lot more in the last little while, which won't be helping that pain.

Sending soothing warm vibes to those bones.
splodgenoodles
May. 28th, 2012 09:34 am (UTC)
I don't think I have been actually...a bit hard to tell what with a totally new context. I'm wondering if I'm not using it enough...? Maybe...?

My bones thank you for the warm vibes!
17catherines
May. 28th, 2012 12:52 pm (UTC)
For what it's worth, I get the impression that orthopaedic types (and even hospital physios) have very strange ideas of what 'back to normal' is. I was told that I'd be back to normal (no pain, normal function) by Christmas, which was less than six months after the break. Not so much. I would say it took closer to a year, and I still get pain when it's cold, when I'm pre-menstrual, when I've been doing more walking, and, you know, just when my ankle feels like hurting. It's still not really perfect. Another girl at work who broke her ankle a couple of years before me told me last year that she was only just getting back to normal then - I think when you break a bone there are an awful lot of very tiny other things that get a bit wrecked and take a while to recover.

(also, the medical doctors I work with all just laughed and said that that's what surgeons are like - if the bone is allegedly all knitted up, then everything must be fine, and if the patient says it isn't, then the patient clearly has issues...)

Looking at that, I'm not sure it's as comforting as I meant it to be. But what I'm getting at is that I am, at least in theory, not in possession of any chronic illnesses or other issues, and it still took me a long time to get back to anything I'd consider normal. So you don't necessarily have to assume that if your leg is taking longer than expected to improve that this is abnormal or related to other illness - or that it won't get any better from where you are.

And yeah, the cold will not be helping.
splodgenoodles
May. 28th, 2012 02:47 pm (UTC)
More interested in truth than comfort - and btw, were you okay last Friday overnight when I was going 'ouch'? (You are one of two Melbournians I know who've had a serious fracture in recent history.)

The possibility that it might continue to improve is good. I do not like to think this is as good as it will get. I was often given 6 months as a reference point for recovery, and I'm now past that (if only just), still with a noticeable limp, pain and numbness.
hometime
May. 28th, 2012 02:51 pm (UTC)
When lostinarcadia broke her arm, she said that it took a year to return to mostly normal. Maybe chat to her?

If you were my cat, I'd prescribe an electric blanket for sore bones, it always made Freya happier.......
splodgenoodles
May. 28th, 2012 08:22 pm (UTC)
She was a bit sore, but she'd had physio that day too.

I'm wondering about a 'leccy blanket. My new mattress has a topper, which I hate and which is in part made of latex which simply does not breathe - keeps you warm and *sweaty*, and I'm ready to take steps (which will probably involve asking someone to turn it the other way up for me), but I do worry about them catching fire.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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