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It says something about where I'm at - still - that last week, after locking myself out and having to break in, and being rather shook up, my preference was to go to someone else's home for the evening. Even though I've only been to that particular place a couple of times before. Admittedly the people there are awesomely wonderful and welcoming, but still...maybe that's inevitable when you live alone.

Wanting to hang out with friends in times of stress is only a problem if you don't have friends or can't be with the ones you do have. On this occasion this wasn't a problem, and I'm trying to ensure it's less and less likely to be a problem in my future. I want an improved sense of social cohesion back, social identity. But at least I know that that's what I need.

What worried me more is that in the following day or so, with the wibble and drama over, I felt more cheerful about life and I think it was simply because something had happenned. It was interesting. It was a challenge. It tested me (and I passed).

When you are so lacking in an ongoing sense of engagement with the world that being locked out cheers you up, something has got to change. It ties into social place, it's too big that it cannot be linked. But I don't know what it could be.

It's not about whether I've got a to-do list or not. I have got one, and I'm getting through it as I need to. It's just that the to-do list is not enough.

I don't know what I'm talking about. And that's the problem.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
pondhopper
Aug. 11th, 2012 03:03 pm (UTC)
I find a sense of social engagement with the world is fundamental to my well-being.

And for what it's worth, with my arthritis, I'd still be locked out as I am just about physically incapable of climbing through a window these days.
So you have all my admiration!
:)
feyandstrange
Aug. 11th, 2012 08:08 pm (UTC)
Maybe you want a bit of a challenge. A new thing to learn or do. If getting locked out was an entertaining adventure, one probably needs to get out more. (Says she who doesn't either and sometimes finds a ride around the block to be so full of marvels that it becomes obvious she'd better get out more, as "Ooh, bums! And hipsters!" is not the proper response to these things.)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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