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It's a whimpering day. Well, hopefully just a whimpering moment. I hate it when this happens, because I don't know what triggers it and when it's happening, I have no idea what to do about it.

From sitting around happily enough, to getting sick of the internet and offsetting this by doing a spot of domestic stuff - a declutter attempt on the living room - but I only got worse. I tend to think of it as "feeling teary and needing to have a cry" but I'm not the crying type. More like "whimperwhimper it's all too haaaard! I'm scaaaared!"

It's not all too hard. And my life has improved a lot in the last little while - it looks like the roller coaster ride of stress is now levelling out. I think I'm just not very good at self-care or something. Not very good at telling that anxious little child that I've got her, and it's okay.

It always feels like a major existential crisis and I just wish there was a pill to make it go away.

I used to think the solution lay in relaxation. Or mindfulness. But I don't anymore. Those things make me twitch and these days I spend too much time in quiet isolation, feeling annoyed about it. I believe the solution would be found in physical effort or meaningful activity, with the relaxation and/or meditation afterwards, but I can't do enough of either to get me to that happy point of comfortable stillness.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 11th, 2014 06:07 am (UTC)
"I just wish there was a pill to make it go away"

It's possible. The trick is finding one which doesn't have side effects worse than where you are right now.

Or there is blessed distraction. Have you signed up for a Coursera program yet? Lots of people work themselves into a panic over deadlines and such. But it could take you out of your present. Just a thought.
Feb. 11th, 2014 06:56 am (UTC)
True, but I'm already on psych. meds, so I suspect I may need to learn to live with the fact that life can't be pleasant every second of the day...

Yep, I've signed up for this one about artiness.

Feb. 11th, 2014 01:05 pm (UTC)
For what it's worth...I understand this all too well, the overwhelming feelings, I mean.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


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