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Jun. 21st, 2014

Just finished watching The Thomas Crown Affair, the remake directed by Piers Brosnan and starring him and some other people, actors probably.

I didn't finish watching because it had finished screening, but because I had realised I'd rather stab my eyes out with a spork. Which I'm not going to do either, as there are better things to do than either of those things, such as: watching paint peel, watching wood warp, or dunking my cat's rear end into a basin of water again.

No reason in particular for my distaste, it's just that it's a pointlessly tedious movie and while I hate to judge people on external appearances, Brosnan has the charisma of an overripe cantelope that you have just rediscovered in the back of your fridge. The female lead is almost certainly faking her interest in him and not just because she's a famous actor and that's what actors do, but because there's absolutely nothing about Brosnan (or his character) that provides any rationale for the leading woman to pull out whatever personal stuff within that enables character actors to seem authentic.

The dance scene in which she slowly pulls her knickers off and he waves her red scarf like a matador, while the crowd dances around them *without* pointing, laughing, and doing that thing where you pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and pretend to gag in order to indicate just how over the top and gross people are being, that's where it really lost me.

Because come on, people on dance floors look at each other. Constantly. And should people carry on like that, the rest of us take the piss out of them. Mercilessly. Then security guards ask them to leave and they start swearing, she staggers off for a piss and a puke, while he tries to push his erection down** to make it a little less obvious, then he headbutts one of the bouncers and they both get thrown down the stairs.

So a little realism at that point wouldn't have gone astray.

Also, I'm kind of cranky because Newboi! was going to come over but has a migraine. I am sad about this because he is not well and not at all for my own selfish reasons oh no indeedy not.

**The obvious erection is, incidentally, why men should never wear track pants to formal affairs that may involve women with no knickers. Thankfully Brosnan was wearing formal black pants and no doubt some kind of binding garment because there was no bulge to be seen, I might have kept watching if there was although it's also possible I would have been traumatised for life.

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( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Jul. 2nd, 2014 10:01 pm (UTC)
At one point I worked in the bank basement (Brown Brothers Harriman in Boston) where they filmed the original.

Pointless, but still to me interesting. :)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


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