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Fuzzychops got an appetite stimulant yesterday, but she's still not eating. Worse, she is hungry, and keeps prompting me for food. Hopefully it's just a glitch, we've had glitches before.

I'm well aware she's getting to the end of her comfortable life, and aware that at some point I'll have to decide it's time. And it's upsetting me tonight. It could be months away, but it's still upsetting me.

There will come a point when appetite stimulants aren't enough. Everytime this happens, I worry that it's right now.

Last night she woke me up a few times to mew in an unusual way, she seemed to be jolting awake in discomfort. Today she was quite insistent about clambering onto me while I was first online, and only settled with a long stretch of tight squeezing, which experience tells me is something she craves when she's in distress.

So once again, I have to look at her eating habits, then set a date by which time her eating needs to return to normal or I need to take action, because there's no way I'm putting her through the poor quality of life my last cat went through just because 10B and I couldn't face the prospect of her loss.

A while ago, a very kind vet pointed out that he thinks people generally wait too long before they take the final step. I can see his point: from the point of view of an animal, that level of suffering of seriously end-stage renal failure is meaningless. So once I decide it's time, I needn't feel guilt about letting her go too soon. She won't actually know, she won't actually be afraid.

It's really just a question of whether she is comfortable enough to enjoy her life, or not.

But I will try to be strong when the time comes, and remember that choosing when her time has come is a genuine and loving gift to give her, the best thanks I can give for everything she's given me.

I hope I can do that, anyway...

(That's unusually shmaltzy for Splodge,no? It's okay, I'll be back to normal soon enough.)

I do appreciate I've probably said all this before, and I'll probably go through it all again, but this girl and I have been through a lot together so rumination is inevitable.

This entry was originally posted at http://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/2363866.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 8th, 2014 12:50 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. It's really really tough. Good thoughts for having as long as you fairly can with her. I was grateful in a way that there was so clearly no choice with Honey; the decision-making time must be so difficult.
Aug. 8th, 2014 03:23 pm (UTC)
It's beyond hard to watch them go downhill. I find that their eyes tell me when they are no longer themselves and cannot act as they are accustomed. If there is a severe illness it's easier but a series of vague symptoms makes it hard to know when the right moment it.

Schmaltzy is fine. If we can't be schmaltzy about our beloved cats and dogs...and birds and fish even...what CAN we be schmaltzy about?

Aug. 8th, 2014 11:36 pm (UTC)
Ack. Its so stessful trying to work out the right time. *snuggles for theold gal*
Aug. 9th, 2014 11:26 pm (UTC)
This is so hard. I'm sorry you're having to go through it.
Aug. 13th, 2014 08:10 am (UTC)
It is so very hard to know the right time, especially with renal failure. My Ramba's passing was probably the hardest one for me yet just because it was so drawn out. It was really hard to know the right time. (Though, that last week, I knew.)
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


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