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Aug. 16th, 2015

Off to bed already. It's been a while since I have felt quite this grubby and sick.

Tomorrow I need to ring the council for some unexpected care time. Errands, dishes, and hopefully help with the fish. Prior experience suggests I'll be struggling for at least another fortnight regardless of what this cold does, so I am settling in.


Last week I got a phone call from those mental health outreach people - the ones who I contacted several months ago when I was in a crisis. They were doing their occasional check in to see if I'd still like an outreach worker when one becomes available, but I wasn't here to take the call.

Since that crisis, many months ago, things have gotten better. Then worse. Then better again. Then worse. Then... point being yes, I think I would like to stay on the waiting list please. The circumstances that cause my bad times to be so bad haven't changed, and this is why I wish to remain on their waiting list. I am trying to get the support I need to keep me safe in the bad spells. Seems reasonable.

Further, the programmes I am still trying to get to through the private clinic are once again unsuitable on account of how sick I am, and I have no guarantee that I'll be able to attend in the near future.

However, if this time they once again mention that according to the file I like to read, so maybe I could read something when I'm not so good..?, I might scream. Silently, of course, because I'd hate to be listed as having anger management issues.

Perhaps I shall compromise and allow a note of sarcasm to seep into my voice. (Too much sarcasm won't help, as support workers do hate people who sound ungrateful, but if I keep it subtle at least I might feel a bit more sane.)


I am definitely feeling glummed out by the physical downturn as I'd been trundling along quite well for a bit there.

Bloke is doing his best to understand. We've had a few conversations about CFS now. And as is always the way with these things, I'm torn between wishing he was here, and wanting to explain what's going on because it needs explaining, and needing to switch off from everything and crash out in peace. And always the fear: what if it's all too much for him to care? It sucks to lose people, and in a very short space of time this person has become very dear to me.

This entry was originally posted at http://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/2682556.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 16th, 2015 03:04 pm (UTC)
I hope Bloke turns out to be understanding, caring and patient.
And that your downturn reverses itself soon.
Aug. 17th, 2015 09:11 am (UTC)
Thankyou. At the moment I am optimistic.
Aug. 17th, 2015 02:26 am (UTC)
The only constant in life is change. All we can do when the peak turns into valley is persevere. The options at this stage are limited. I hope Bloke 'gets it'.
Aug. 17th, 2015 09:11 am (UTC)
Quite. He seems to be doing pretty well so far.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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