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I am feeling really quite broken.

There's nothing like prospective date conversation to remind me of stuff.

Today's case in point(as in remembering old stufftoday): when I found out that my former husband (presumably with the consent of others) had told members of the group that his deliberate and horrible lies were merely a problem of timing because we were "working towards polyamory". The mutual friend who told me this didn't blink when I said otherwise. (Mind you, that particular person is dismissed from my life as she likes anyone who likes her, no matter how nasty they are to others).

And about a year and a half later, a person not closely attached to this group told me that she and her husband had agreed they would always be monogamous because they knew that this approach would never work for them. She was referring to the approach she believed my husband and I had had.

Which was not the case. We had never. It's just what they chose to throw out there. So that in that broader world, it was nothing more than misadventure.

This entry was originally posted at http://splodgenoodles.dreamwidth.org/2894639.html. You may comment here, or there using OpenID if you have no Dreamwidth account.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 28th, 2016 04:27 am (UTC)
Lies are lies, and nothing excuses them really. I'm sorry you were a victim of that, Ali.
Jul. 28th, 2016 06:38 am (UTC)
Thanks Donna. I'm glad you were around for me. xx
Jul. 29th, 2016 04:05 am (UTC)
That's what friends do.
Jul. 28th, 2016 06:34 am (UTC)
That is just breathtakingly awful. (I mean, literally, I gasped when I read this.)

I hope you are OK. You are such a fantastic, funny, interesting person and I am so sorry you lost so much energy and time to someone who couldn't or wouldn't see that.

Much love,

Jul. 28th, 2016 06:40 am (UTC)
Oh wow, okay. I'm just starting to realise how much stuff I never mentioned.

Incidentally, this came up recently when I was looking at an old conversation with said old friend (via FB).

And I think it *also* explains some of that stuff I went through recently of which we can only allude to, mysteriously, here.
Jul. 28th, 2016 06:44 am (UTC)
And thanks, you're ace.

I think I'm okay now. Had my dummy spit, I guess. And if I can get past this I might have happier options on the horizon.

It's weird, I don't think of myself as having "triggers". But um, who am I kidding?!
Jul. 28th, 2016 07:25 am (UTC)
I need to steal Catherine's response, because she stole my words...and also I'm bloody angry at the lying and spreading of them. Its just such an arse of a thing to do.
Jul. 28th, 2016 08:04 am (UTC)
You may feel broken and fragile. Feelings are legit. But I see who you are and how far you come and think you're incredibly strong and resilient.
Jul. 28th, 2016 09:02 am (UTC)
Over my professional life, I've seen that there is no limit to the depths some people will stoop to in order to weasel their way out of accepting responsibility, preferring instead to spread the blame and brazenly lie, with absolutely no regard for whom they shove under the bus.

Of course knowing that people do that doesn't help when it is you they are smearing. The hurt is still acute, even if their behaviour says far more about them than it does about you.

I'm really sorry to hear that someone you once loved and cared for could do that to you.
Jul. 29th, 2016 05:05 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. Good thoughts and a complete failure to think of any sensible words. xxx
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )


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