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On The Filtery Filter Of Filtertown.

Okay. Big deep breath.

10B came in from work and opened and started drinking a beer before anything else. Now onto what I hope for his sake is only his second.

Gut reaction: apologise and take back the standing request that he be elsewhere on Friday and Saturday nights.

He's peeved because he doesn't want to be anywhere else tonight, he has to work tomorrow so he has to drive all the way over *there* (gf's house)tonight and then back here tomorrow for no reason(work). Then all the way back there tomorrow night. He hates commuting. And he has to get his laundry done first. I'd offer to be laundry monitor but somehow I think he'd take that just as badly.

And he said that also, as well as Friday nights being a difficult time for him, it's also a difficult time for me which means that in while, after all the chit-chat (thus far amiable), I will come in and start abusing him which he said: "frankly, I don't care for."

Well, nor do I. And abuse? Not sure about that. I don't feel bad about the questions I've asked, or the things I've said. It upsets me that the content has been meaningless to him. He has (like his gf) felt the need to duck for cover and so anything like me getting emotional is perceived as an attack. The questions, the upset...that's just attack.

And it is rather hard to sandwich discussion of current issues with compliments and positives, like one is supposed to when dealing with fragile egos.

Ah crap.

My request is not outrageous. I am not being an arsehole.


Even if he doesn't want to see his gf two nights a week, well, she's a friend from way back so surely it's not _that_ excruciating to be there, even just as a sympathetic friend. And he does have other options. And he'll happily travel over there first thing to do fun stuff. He always has in the past.

And seriously? Let's get back to the whole business of being under one roof and who can be elsewhere the easiest.

Ironically, the fact I did not have to ask this week, that it's now just how things are, had contributed to me feeling a bit more mellow and being in a chipper mood tonight.

Okay.

His crap mood - not my problem.

Him starting to feel terribly put-upon is not justified, but to be expected.

I have to remember it's not up to me to do what he wants. Just because I could make him feel better, does not mean I have to. Or even that I should.

What do I want? I want some time to myself.


And I'm getting to understand this. Possibly he just hates being told what to do. Also,this is his home and no matter what he might have done, he is so deeply wedded to this place that nothing will have him prepared to not be here. Am starting to wonder how much of his attempts to stay with me were about not him wanting to lose the house. Also, maybe, he could just hate everything that's happenned and hate that he's being sent to Coventry once a week, and lashing out is a bit easier than crying.

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Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
dragonsally
Sep. 16th, 2011 09:29 am (UTC)
lashing out is a bit easier than crying.

ain't that the truth.

Stick to your guns - he made his bed, and all that.
splodgenoodles
Sep. 16th, 2011 12:28 pm (UTC)
Yup.

He's headed off and I'm enjoying the peace and quiet.

Am coming up with questions about how and what he's thinking, but then having to remind myself that forever focussing on his internal processes isn't a good thing for me.

So a little more tidying and sorting, then I'm off to bed.
hometime
Sep. 17th, 2011 11:09 am (UTC)
I wonder if when he was going out because it was negotiated each week, it felt like he was doing a favour to you. When it is just part of the arrangement, it is an obligation, which he doesn't like?
splodgenoodles
Sep. 17th, 2011 12:03 pm (UTC)
I feel like now it could be a smooth transition on a Friday night, but I don't think it will be. Although it's usually me rocking the boat and having moods.

I'm not feeling terribly suspicious now, I figure he just felt lousy and it came across as cranky. Except for the bit about never having taken on board stuff that I've said. That's been a thing. :/
splodgenoodles
Sep. 17th, 2011 12:05 pm (UTC)
Actually, yes.
splodgenoodles
Sep. 17th, 2011 12:18 pm (UTC)
Or maybe he just knew I was going to finish off his bag of chips tonight.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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