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The room now consists of hip fractures. Including me - it turns out the fracture was high up enough in the thigh that it's a hip fracture, not the regular osteoporosis hip fracture but a more stylish and special steroid-induced osteoporosis hip fracture.

I am now the youngest in the room, by far.


When I am feeling useless I need to remind myself that like most people, I find comfort and meaning in helping others. Which means it can't possibly be a bad thing to be in need of help from others.

If you only feel okay when you're the one doing the helping, then you can't possibly have a good opinion of the people you help. In fact, your ulterior motives must be less than charitable.


But seriously. I'm feeling an absence of meaning at the moment.

I suppose I could be delighted - a back to basics time when one does really appreciate the supposedely little things, like how fabulous it is to be able to wipe your own bum and lie on your side. (Both of which I'm working towards.) And the big things. Modern medicine (and the think of the drive behind it- the urge to make these situations as rare and as uncomplicated as possible, how great is that), compassionate nursing care, which is as old as the hills.

Friends and family visiting, looking out for me.

At least once a day the helicopter flies to or from this place on a mission to save people. Okay, now I'm getting melodramatic but that is pretty brilliant. Sometimes it makes me cringe because I know that means something traumatic has happenned somewhere - and right now I'm feeling particularly sensitised to anything involving nasty bodily trauma - but given it does happen, how great that this is the response.

Hey actually, this is pretty awesome. And I haven't even had my oxycontin yet.


It makes you feel small. You are reminded again of the fragility of your situation (and I was aware enough already thanks) and you vascillate between amazement at your good luck in time, place technology and people, and a sense of passivity in the face of those same greater powers. Because you are here because of all the good and the bad that has gone before.


I really must stop purving be more discreet when I'm purving at passing males. Leaning forward to eyeball Anna's sons who are juuuust out of sight but seem to be only a bit younger than me would be really lame. I'd like to though.



( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 19th, 2011 08:32 am (UTC)
Don't you need an "I broke my hip" tag now?

Does this change the way they will treat you?
Oct. 19th, 2011 08:59 am (UTC)
I like the leg one better.

Dunno...I'll report back if it does.
Oct. 19th, 2011 11:52 am (UTC)
Nooo. Have they only just found the hip break? more pinning? argh
Oct. 23rd, 2011 07:18 am (UTC)
Nono, it's okay. They've just explained it to me better, that's all.
Oct. 19th, 2011 04:04 pm (UTC)
Well I'm glad to hear *your* hip fracture is stylish and special.
Oct. 19th, 2011 04:59 pm (UTC)
My M-in-L basically broke off the ball at the top of her femur. Nasty. You have, again, my absolute sympathy.

(Just to cheer you up -- it could always be worse! My MIL fell and broke her leg/hip. Her family put her to bed. In the morning, my wife's father called my wife and complained that her mother wouldn't get out of bed. We had to drive over and call an ambulance.)
Oct. 19th, 2011 08:08 pm (UTC)
oh and I definitely think discretion rather than cessation is recommended in the purving.

Sorry I won't get there this week. This path thing rather took over my plans.
Oct. 20th, 2011 03:22 am (UTC)
On helping others/being helped, compassion etc.. and Buddhism.

If you take the Buddhist philosophy, then you aim to have your actions motivated by love, compassion, generousity and wisdom. And on the way to enlightment you realise that there is no "you" and all things are interconnected, which means you are connected to other people and their suffering is your suffering. So in that context, you help ease the suffering of others because this is also easing your suffering.

So I think the desire to want to help other people is good when it comes from a place of kindness and compassion. It's also good to accept people being kind to you.

I'm assuming you have internet access and a laptop at the hospital. Maybe download some dharma talks to listen to if you're feeling reflective. Might go well with the pondering.

Oct. 23rd, 2011 07:22 am (UTC)
I think I might send an email to the bikkhuni that spoke to me the other Friday. I feel like she gave me such comfort, and I said I'd be back but haven't been (and am not likely to get back there for a while), that I think I should at let her know that her words and meditation were helpful (and that my reason for not goign back is for entirely unavoidable reasons.)

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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